The Obligatory Christmas Fic
by vindictive locomotive
Summary: "God, Stan, what the hell did you and Jew-fag do last night? Jesus, Kenny, look at him, the fag fucked his brain cells right out of him. What's in the box rainbow-boy? A condom? Roofies?" Kyle gets something interesting for Christmas/Hanukkah. Re-post. Style fluff.


Yes I'm alive! Haven't been around in a long while and I apologize for that sincerely.  
If this gives some of you de ja vu, don't worry it should. I was trolling my stories recently to see how I'd grown as a writer, when all of a sudden I went "holy shit! Where's Obligatory Christmas Fic?" so I decided to upload it again (I have a soft spot for it, ok?) along with some others that at this point are INCREDIBLY belated.

So anyway, this one is, once again, right in time for the holidays. Maybe if you beg me enough I'll write another new one for this year. Maybe *winks*

Don't own South Park, yadda yadda yadda…yeah I didn't feel like correcting this so it has exactly the same mistakes it originally did. If you've got a problem with it, hopefully it will convince you to beta for me, yeah?

* * *

On the morning of January 2nd, 2011, Stan was seen running toward the bus stop at breakneck speed (or as fast as his football legs could carry him) with a certain redhead in tow. When they arrived before the two boys already stationed in their usual spots, Stan was out of breath and bent over with his hands on his knees. While Kyle…well…Kyle looked pretty damn confused. He sat in the snow with his back leaning on Stan's shins, holding a small square object of the three-dimensional variety that looked suspiciously like a ring box. He just kept staring at it with a dazed fixated gaze, his mouth was agape and he looked genuinely confused.

"God, Stan, what the hell did you and Jew-fag do last night? Jesus, Kenny, look at him, the fag fucked his brain cells right out of him. What's in the box rainbow-boy? A condom? Roofies?" Came Cartman's instant reply to the scene playing out in front of him.

Stan, who was still panting too hard to reply to Cartman's outburst, merely shook his head, took a few more deep breaths, straightened himself and immediately put on the biggest shit-eating grin possible. Even Kenny was a little wary. Stan linked his arms under Kyle's armpits and hoisted him up to a standing position and wrapped his arms around Kyle's waist, who was still staring at the box, too dazed to notice.

Resting his chin on Kyle's shoulder, Stan spoke: "Guess what I got for Christmas, guys?"

Cartman rolled his eyes, "we know, fag, you finally got laid for the first time, we can see it on your faces."

Stan frowned at this, "Cartman are you some kind of idiot? Of _course_ Kyle and I have had sex, that's no big secret, even Kenny knows that." He rolled his eyes before breaking into another huge grin, "no, my Christmas present was way better than that." He grinned cheekily and hugged Kyle closer, who now had a small stream of drool hanging from his lips due to his inability to close his mouth.

"You got the fuzzy handcuffs you wanted?" Kenny ventured.

Stan pouted, "No, I got something better."

"Godammit, fag, this isn't fucking Twenty Questions, we don't have all day just tell us alre—"

"Kyle." Stan interjected.

Cartman blanched, "I'm sorry, come again?"

"Oh he'll be doing much more than that." Kenny snickered perversely.

"Godammit Kenny!" Cartman yelled.

"You guys!" Stan whined, eager to have the attention back on him and his beau, "I got Kyle for Christmas!"

All arguing between Cartman and Kenny ceased.

"What the fuck?" Kenny deadpanned, mouth slightly agape.

"What the hell, Stan?" Cartman interrogated, "I thought you already practically owned his Jew-ass."

"Well he's all mine now." Stan said as he kissed Kyle's neck and nuzzled his cheek. Kyle remained oblivious.

"Aw hell, I am so confused right now." Cartman squeezed his eyes shut in frustration.

"Stan what the hell is in that box anyway?" Kenny inquired.

For a moment, Stan looked genuinely confused, soon a look of recognition washed over his face as he seemed to remember the object in question resting in his boyfriend's hands.

"Oh you mean this? See for yourselves." He said as he casually flipped the box open, revealing a beautiful ring adorned with some kind of purple gemstone.

This small act seemed to the one to put Kyle out of his stupor. His expression suddenly matched Stan's as the ring was lifted out of its snug place in the box. He turned to Stan and said softly, as if he hadn't just been in a vegetative state for the past twenty-four hours, "Will you do the honors?"

Stan smiled warmly, "Of course, love." He lifted Kyle's left hand and slid the ring on a very specific finger.

Here Kyle lifted his hand of his own will to admire the gem that now decorated it.

"It's…gorgeous."

A few feet away, Cartman smacked his palm to his forehead. "Aw great, the fags are exchanging vows? Fuck this, 2011 is officially gonna suck. Screw you guys, I'm going home." And with that, he half stalked, half waddled away in a huff.

As they watched him go, the three remaining boys shrugged it off. Hey, at least they didn't have to deal with the fat-ass at school.

As soon as Cartman was out of sight, Kenny turned to the irritatingly happy couple. "Alright, what the fuck happened over vacation?"

Both Stan and Kyle exchanged conspiratorial glances before turning back to Kenny.

"Isn't it obvious?" Stan asked, somewhat incredulously.

"Stan proposed!" Kyle practically sqealed.

Kenny looked at Stan, eyebrow raised. "Seriously?"

"Yeah man, why not? We're both eighteen, we're madly in love with each other, Colorado finally recognized gay marriage because of all the fags here, there's really no reason not to." Stan replied.

Kenny kept his eyebrow skyward, "If you guys really want this then…aw, hell, who am I kidding?" He broke out into a grin that mirrored Stan and Kyle's. "C'mere, lovebirds, and give Uncle Kenny a hug!"

Before either one could protest, bot Stan and Kyle were pulled into a bone-crushing hug, courtesy of Kenny. After a few awkward minutes, Kenny pulled away, grin still intact.

"So," he started, "Who's the est man?" HE asked, although the question was really directed at Stan.

Kyle grinned as he was pulled closer to Stan, "Well, I dunno Kenny, can you manage to wear something that's _not_ orange for one day? 'Cus I hate to say it, but it really wouldn't go with Stan's tux."

Stan nodded his agreement as Kenny started to tear up.

"Aww you guys, I'm touched." He sniffled.

Kyle snorted, "You wish, Kenny.

Kenny grinned, "Too bad you're engaged, I might have taken that as an offer." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Stan stuck his tongue out. "Don't you go touching on my fiancé, he's mine." Stan lifted Kyle's left hand and practically shoved it in Kenny's face, "See this? Mine."

Kenny blinked as purple took over his vision. "What is that thing made of anyway? It's definitely not a diamond." He asked after batting Kyle's hand away.

Stan scoffed, "Of course it's not a diamond, I hate being cliché, and it's called tanzanite. Which is, by the way, way cooler, way more original and way cheaper than diamonds."

Kenny just nodded dumbly. Still somewhat confused by the whole thing, he was saved the trouble of having to come up with a reply when the bus suddenly pulled around the corner. As he shouldered his school bag, he noticed that Stan and Kyle didn't have theirs.

"Are you guys going to school?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

Stan and Kyle looked at him like he had just offered to foot the Raisins bill.

"Are you kidding?" Stan asked "Why the hell would we go to school on a day like today?" turning to Kyle and purred seductively, "We still have _lots_ more celebrating to do."

"You gotta catch me first, studmuffin." Kyle winked at his fiancé before releasing himself from his grasp and booking it in the direction of Stan's house. Stan stayed behind for a few seconds to give Kyle a fair chance in their little race.

He and Kenny both shared a look. "Man, he is such a fucking cock tease." Stan exclaimed.

Before he got on the bus, Kenny replied, "Well you better go catch him, 'studmuffin'."

"Hey, I don't hear Butters calling _you _a studmuffin, now do i? Yeah that's what I thought."

Kenny rolled his eyes, "whatever, good luck to you, lover boy."

"Ha, See ya Kenny." Stan watched as Kenny boarded the bus before running to catch up with Kyle. The kid was gonna double time for ditching him _and_ using the acclaimed pet name in public. Stan could hardly wait.

* * *

Yeah, it's pretty half-assed, the original idea was a LOT more cracky but it happens to be 1:30 in my time zone so suck it up XD

Kenny: FINALLY I get a cameo!

Vindi: Oh hush, I could easily replace your name with Craig's

Kenny: Yeah right, as if that would work—

Vindi: And I wouldn't change Butters' name to Tweek!

Kenny: *GASP* You wouldn't DARE!

Vindi: Don't test me buddy

Kenny: Gulp…

Yeah so Matt and Trey own South Park and all characters blah blah blah…Idea thing is mine…not much of one but what the hell? I wrote it okay. Not vous xP Reviews are appreciated and flames are welcome. Don't be afraid to give Giselle, the review button some lovin'.

R&R loves

~Vindi


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